Things and Thingettes

Going over my notes for revision, and I keep finding random pages where I’ve doodled her name in the margin, or things I like about her, or her initials.

It’s ridiculous how long I’ve liked her for - and even more ridiculous that the feelings just seem to get stronger rather than die down.

• My back pain to heal
• To know enough to pass my exams
• The exams to be over with
• To get at least 3 B’s
• To get into the uni I want
• To spend more time with the girl I like
• And have some form of a social life so the people I talk to aren’t just my family and my teachers. 

It is not pain which breaks us. In it’s own way, pain is the one true cause of strength. By tearing away at your insides, pulling apart your foundations, it forces you to rebuild - look at your life and transform it into a stronghold.

But love, love is different. Love changes your whole being: your life, your body, every breath you take suddenly resonates with that person, with her. Your pull open your ribs and open to the door to your heart, desperate to let in their light, and just like that you’re gone. 

Trying to find the strength to battle life when someone else’s hand is inside your chest beating your heart, and their mouth is at your ear whispering their name over and over and over - it won’t work. How could you live when your whole life without that person is a lie?

It really hurts, loving someone you know doesn’t love you back - who can’t love you back. When spending time with her makes you the happiest and saddest you’ve been, all at the same time. She’s in my head, and she won’t leave - her name is there whenever my mind wanders, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I need to move on but it won’t burn out. 

There’s no sense in loving someone you can only wake up to by chance.

feministgrammarianhippieartist:

Why didn’t my sex ed mention

• vaginismus
• menstrual cups
• the truth about hymens/coronas
• clitorises
• the difference between inner and outer labia
• phthalates in sex toys - how to determine the safe toys
• safe use of toys between partners
• body positivity
• non-het sex possibilities?

Married straight people having missionary sex for procreative purposes aren’t the only ones who need sex ed.

This! Exactly - this is completely what I was getting at about menstrual cups, but also nonhetero relationships are so absent in sex ed it’s like they don’t exist. You get the traditional ‘use a condom and if you’re gay definitely use a condom or you WILL get AIDS’, which is stereotypical in itself, but there is absolutely no mention of safe sex for lesbians. We have to find that sort of thing out for ourselves, and with the internet having so many wide and varied perspectives it’s often hard to get a conclusive idea about what is true. Would it have been so hard for them to research non-hetero safe sex to be able to teach it in a universally understandable way, which would also normalise the concept of lesbian sex so you wouldn’t have so many ignorant questions about ‘how lesbian sex works’?

And also body positivity would have been such a perfect addition to the curriculum, I wish they included it.

The sex education system seriously needs a reform.